Hit 'em again, hit 'em again, harder! Harder!

Since I am currently in nursing school, (graduation is in 4 weeks and 6 days!)  I have already studied some things about cancer and chemo.   Be that as it may, I have not delved into tons of research on the type of cancer that is my diagnosis nor the statistics and trials, etc.   I admit I have looked a few things up, as I am looking for positive stories, positive information, and validation from those who have beaten cancer -- and there are many, many such stories of women (and men – yes, men get breast cancer, too!) who have lived long, full lives after treatment. 

You see, I am a person who believes in the immense power of positive thinking.  I am declaring victory over this diagnosis, over my story, and over my life.  I am not discouraged, for God is with me.  He will never leave me nor will He forsake me.  I am not dismayed, for I walk in triumph at the right hand of God.  

Last night though, I did do some research into my chemo as I am getting a “dense dose” of two chemo drugs, known as “AC” and was interested to learn a little more about it.   A “dense dose” is getting chemo every two weeks instead of every three weeks to better fight the fast-growing cancer cells.   When I read about the chemo drugs and my treatment regimen, a cheer that we used to use in high school football came to mind,

“Hit ‘em again, Hit ‘em again, harder! Harder!”  

It’s kind of a mean-spirited cheer, I realize now, but it is entirely appropriate for fighting breast cancer.   It will be added to my mantra as I am being infused with “AC”. 

Why was I doing this research?  Mainly to find out if I am really, really, definitely, going to lose my hair.   If that sounds shallow to anyone out there, I am not going to apologize.   It’s a big deal to me and most women I know.   But that’s okay.   The answer is yes.  Most definitely.   The “A” in the “AC”, also known as the “red devil” is definitely the hair loss chemo drug.

Now, I am not entirely bummed out by the prospect of losing my hair.   I spend a fortune in time and money maintaining my lovely locks (and also waxing and shaving the hair I don’t want – what is up with that?) and I am not going to miss any of that.   I have teased the lovely ladies in my class who wear wigs and get weaves all year long that I wanted to shave my head and wear wigs so that I can change my hairstyle whenever I want.   Well, I guess I got my wish. 

So that’s okay. My bff from high school is coming up next weekend to take me wig shopping.  My amazing colleagues in my Accelerated Nursing Cohort are going to throw a head shaving party for me and I am going to try not to cry. I am sure there will be a lot of emotion.  But there will also be a lot of freedom, knowing that the process means I am fighting the cancer cells and beating them out of my body with the “red devil”.   In the words of Harley Tuttle, “Just take a deep breath and say, ‘To hell with it’.”

 To hell with you, cancer!  Buh-bye.  

 “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”  Phil. 4:13

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  II Timothy 1:7

“IF GOD IS FOR ME, WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME?”  Romans 9:31

“Be still, and know that I am God.”  Psalms 46:10