As the new year starts, two words keep coming to my mind: Grateful and Blessed.
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| People Magazine Cover |
I finished chemotherapy on December 4th and to be
honest, I didn't feel great for the last several weeks of chemo. I
am so thankful that chemo is over, and I am feeling a little better each
day. The first round of chemo in Kansas City was composed of the two
worst drugs, but the second rounds of chemo that started in September were the
hardest because the infusions were every week, with no time to rebound in
between treatments. The cumulative
effect was apparent after the first few weeks.
I cannot say it enough: I am so very thankful that I could finish my
chemo. I am lucky because many people
can’t complete all 16 chemotherapy treatments that are recommended for this
type of breast cancer, because of cardiac or anemia issues. Also, many times chemo is delayed because
immunity is suppressed, which is measured by white blood cell count. I am so grateful that I never had to skip a
chemo treatment, as that would have delayed my surgery and recovery, and I am
so thankful that I could take every chemo treatment, the consequences of which are
obvious.
I had my lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy this past
Friday, January 2nd, and the surgeon found no signs of cancer in
either the breast or lymph nodes. I
will get a call next week with the results of the full pathology of the tissue
that was removed. In a few weeks, I
will begin radiation, which lasts for six weeks. This ensures that no cancer cells can survive
and reduces greatly the possibility of recurrence of the cancer.
It has now been almost seven months since I was diagnosed
with triple negative breast cancer.
If you have ever gone whitewater rafting, you may recall
that the guide tells you that if you get tossed out of the boat in the middle
of a rapid, you should NOT try to swim back to the boat or fight your way to
shore. The guide instructs you to try to keep your head above
water, turn and face downstream, and pull your knees to your chest and let
the river current carry you downstream. When you and the boat are
both in more calm water, someone in the boat will try to rescue you to safety.
On June 19, 2014, I was tossed out of the boat into the
biggest set of rapids that I have ever experienced in my life. I could not
swim, because for a while, I did not even realize what had happened to
me. I tried to keep my head above water and pointed downstream and when
I could, I rested and remembered God's promises to me: God promised He
would never leave me nor forsake me, that His plans are to prosper me and not
to harm me, and that he would help me.
I have been trying to
keep my head above water in the current of the river ever since my diagnosis of
breast cancer. Sometimes, I could not see the shore, or my friends
in the boat. Other times, my head was
pulled underwater and I wondered if I would make it back to the surface.
I know now that God is pulling me out of the river to safety. I can
literally feel his arms around me, pulling me back into the boat. There is no more cancer, God has provided
for all of my needs and I am starting to interview for nursing jobs.
God has been so good to me during this treatment and I am surrounded by loving friends and family. Allie did leave to work on Grand Cayman November 26, she got a job as a dive instructor for the Lobster Pot Dive Center in Georgetown. I am happy for her and so glad she has the opportunity to live her dream. I am also thankful that she is closer to the US and I definitely am planning a trip to visit her when my treatment is complete.
God has been so good to me during this treatment and I am surrounded by loving friends and family. Allie did leave to work on Grand Cayman November 26, she got a job as a dive instructor for the Lobster Pot Dive Center in Georgetown. I am happy for her and so glad she has the opportunity to live her dream. I am also thankful that she is closer to the US and I definitely am planning a trip to visit her when my treatment is complete.
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| Grand Cayman |
This past week, I had the opportunity to read the story of the health care personnel fighting Ebola in West Africa. Their story is one of courage and compassion. It has inspired me greatly as I search for work as a nurse. I chose nursing because I wanted a tangible skill with which to serve people. I know that God has used the last seven months to teach me compassion and empathy.
This email reassured me greatly, “ Like you, I
believe God has great things for you. I also believe the fear and
uncertainty you are experiencing right now are part of the preparation for
what's ahead. These feelings are experienced by everyone who's faced with
a life-threatening illness. Your experience of this will allow you to
serve your patients with greater insight and compassion in the future.
Surrender your fear and let God fill your heart with his love. He's
holding you in the palm of his hand and I am holding you in my heart. “
Whenever we go through a devastating
experience, it is an incredible opportunity for the redemption of
something. I am now asking myself, “How
can I be better now because of what I have been through?”
I thank God for trusting me with this
trial and I trust that I will come through this experience a better equipped nurse and friend.
