Make me a blessing!

Today, our pastor spoke about “living by faith in future grace”.   “Jesus will supply us with everything we need to remain faithful to God.”  

Living by faith is the most fulfilling, blessed way to live.   I am so grateful that God has provided me with a wonderful job and place to live, friends and family.   I have everything that I need to remain faithful to God.   God shows me every day why he brought me through the trials in my past and I am eternally humbled and blessed to be used by God to help those less fortunate, the sick and the helpless.   

Every day that I go to work as a nurse, I am humbled by the pain and suffering of others.   I am not always patient or kind.   I am not always perfect in the care that I give to others.  Sometimes, I am not even nice to a patient who is being very difficult in the depths of their illness.  For that, I am ashamed.

But every single day, God gives me the honor of being a blessing to someone by kindly and compassionately caring for them.   I cannot thank Him enough for supplying me with everything that I need and for choosing me to work in the most trusted profession in the world, as a nurse.

There are times at work, when I am so imperfect that I question being trusted with the task of caring for others.   But I remain strong in my faith, even when fears and doubts creep in, I stand on the promises that God has given to me, because I know that He who promised me is ever faithful.   I would be absolutely nothing without the Grace of God.  

There are also times, because of fatigue and soreness, I am not grateful.   I pray that God will continue to remind me of all that I have to be grateful for, and all the blessings that are mine through Christ Jesus.  

Today, I thought about this hymn, and I try to make it my prayer every day, “Make me a blessing, make me a blessing.   Out of my life, let Jesus shine.   Make me a blessing, Oh, Lord, my God.   Make me a blessing, to someone today.”

 

Don't ever give up

Be someone’s inspiration.  If I have touched one life in a positive way in this past year, then my life has had purpose and meaning.

Be someone’s support.   Reach out to someone in need and show them that you care.

As I look back on the past two years, I see that I am living proof that God fulfills His promises and that He heals and performs miracles.

In March of 2013, after Allie left for Thailand and my mother passed away, God called me to become an RN so that one day I can work in Nicaragua helping those who have limited health care.   On April 2, 2013, I began taking the prerequisite classes I needed to complete before entering the accelerated Bachelor of Nursing program at Mid-America Nazarene University. 

On April 2, 2015, I completed the background check, drug screen and paperwork for my first job as a Registered Nurse at Rose Medical Center on their cardiac/telemetry floor, which was my first choice as a job.   God is so good.

During the course of those two years, God provided multiple homes for me with close friends, He provided funding for my schooling and living and medical expenses.   Most importantly God gave me the strength and wisdom to pass my nursing school classes.    And, finally, God redeemed the diagnosis of breast cancer I received in my last module of nursing school and completely healed me of all cancer.   After nine months of treatment, there is no cancer in my body and I am ready to start work as an RN.

During my treatment for cancer, I learned what it is like to be a patient and to undergo painful, traumatic, and sickening treatments. I know these experiences will make me a more compassionate nurse.   I had a port placed in my chest to deliver chemotherapy directly to my heart.   I had to shave my head as my hair started falling out.   I had to complete my final clinicals while taking the worst chemo that I know of, the “red devil”, and I survived.  Upon returning to Colorado, I took a three week break from chemo to take and pass the NCLEX.  I then resumed chemo every week for 12 weeks.   After my surgery in January, in which no trace of cancer was found in my breast tissue, I began radiation during my new grad residency program and had to get up at 5:30 every day to get radiation before my training and clinicals started.   After radiation, my skin on my shoulder and breast became burned and blistered, but I healed.

Throughout it all, the love, kindness, compassion, mercy and generosity of my friends and family sustained me and carried me through.  “Every day I am reminded that our life’s journey is about the people that touch us.”  Stuart Scott

The love of God and the promises He has given me, kept me going when I did not feel like continuing the horrible cancer treatments.   

And, now, all His promises have been fulfilled.   I am an RN, I am healed of cancer, my joy is restored.   I am grateful and humbled by the mighty power of God and by the love of my friends and family.

Friends, family, teachers, mentors:

YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION.

“Don’t give up.  Don’t ever give up.”  Jim Valvano

“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live. “  Stuart Scott

 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.   Plans to give you a hope and a future. “  Jeremiah 29:11

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. 19"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43 :18-19

Blessed

As the new year starts, two words keep coming to my mind:   Grateful and Blessed.

People Magazine Cover

I finished chemotherapy on December 4^th and to be honest, I didn't feel great for the last several weeks of chemo.   I am so thankful that chemo is over, and I am feeling a little better each day.  The first round of chemo in Kansas City was composed of the two worst drugs, but the second rounds of chemo that started in September were the hardest because the infusions were every week, with no time to rebound in between treatments.   The cumulative effect was apparent after the first few weeks.   I cannot say it enough: I am so very thankful that I could finish my chemo.   I am lucky because many people can’t complete all 16 chemotherapy treatments that are recommended for this type of breast cancer, because of cardiac or anemia issues.   Also, many times chemo is delayed because immunity is suppressed, which is measured by white blood cell count.   I am so grateful that I never had to skip a chemo treatment, as that would have delayed my surgery and recovery, and I am so thankful that I could take every chemo treatment, the consequences of which are obvious.  

I had my lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy this past Friday, January 2^nd, and the surgeon found no signs of cancer in either the breast or lymph nodes.   I will get a call next week with the results of the full pathology of the tissue that was removed.   In a few weeks, I will begin radiation, which lasts for six weeks.  This ensures that no cancer cells can survive and reduces greatly the possibility of recurrence of the cancer.

It has now been almost seven months since I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.  

If you have ever gone whitewater rafting, you may recall that the guide tells you that if you get tossed out of the boat in the middle of a rapid, you should NOT try to swim back to the boat or fight your way to shore.    The guide instructs you to try to keep your head above water, turn and face downstream, and pull your knees to your chest and let the river current carry you downstream.   When you and the boat are both in more calm water, someone in the boat will try to rescue you to safety.

On June 19, 2014, I was tossed out of the boat into the biggest set of rapids that I have ever experienced in my life. I could not swim, because for a while, I did not even realize what had happened to me.   I tried to keep my head above water and pointed downstream and when I could, I rested and remembered God's promises to me:  God promised He would never leave me nor forsake me, that His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me, and that he would help me.   

I have been trying to keep my head above water in the current of the river ever since my diagnosis of breast cancer.   Sometimes, I could not see the shore, or my friends in the boat.   Other times, my head was pulled underwater and I wondered if I would make it back to the surface.   I know now that God is pulling me out of the river to safety.  I can literally feel his arms around me, pulling me back into the boat.   There is no more cancer, God has provided for all of my needs and I am starting to interview for nursing jobs.

God has been so good to me during this treatment and I am surrounded by loving friends and family.  Allie did leave to work on Grand Cayman November 26, she got a job as a dive instructor for the Lobster Pot Dive Center in Georgetown.   I am happy for her and so glad she has the opportunity to live her dream.  I am also thankful that she is closer to the US and I definitely am planning a trip to visit her when my treatment is complete.

Grand Cayman

This past week, I had the opportunity to read the story of the health care personnel fighting Ebola in West Africa.   Their story is one of courage and compassion.   It has inspired me greatly as I search for work as a nurse.   I chose nursing because I wanted a tangible skill with which to serve people.  I know that God has used the last seven months to teach me compassion and empathy. 

 

This email reassured me greatly, “ Like you, I believe God has great things for you.  I also believe the fear and uncertainty you are experiencing right now are part of the preparation for what's ahead.  These feelings are experienced by everyone who's faced with a life-threatening illness.  Your experience of this will allow you to serve your patients with greater insight and compassion in the future.  Surrender your fear and let God fill your heart with his love.  He's holding you in the palm of his hand and I am holding you in my heart. “

Whenever we go through a devastating experience, it is an incredible opportunity for the redemption of something.  I am now asking myself, “How can I be better now because of what I have been through?”

I thank God for trusting me with this trial and I trust that I will come through this experience a better equipped nurse and friend.